The mask. You know, the one you put on everyday you wake up. You lie in bed for that extra hour staring at the ceiling or the glimpse of sun streaming through the curtains. Wishing, hoping for a better mood or another sunset instead of sunrise. You sluggishly crawl out of bed and make your usual breakfast which used to get you going for the day. Now is just a necessity for living and part of a routine. Still choking behind a mask which hides the cry for help underneath.
Your dressed and managed to make work in one piece. The nerves and sick stomach feeling stay for majority of your day. You feel on edge more than ever before and try to tolerate strangers whom irritate you in slightest ways.
Job well done you have finished work and the mask has lasted another day for now. You feel satisfied so you let your guard down for the end of the day. However you did not see the tide coming with the sunset. The hours spent alone give you too much time to contemplate. Your mind can be a dangerous place to wonder for too long. What were you thinking you were going to do? Relax?
Of course not!
You cant be content for long you have to feel overwhelmed and alone before the days through. Lets just add in a few bouts of dizziness with that lack of breathing between scrunched tearful tissues. The mask is transparent and does not last 24hours in your world. Behind closed doors you feel safe to let go and show how you really feel inside through river worth of tears. You start to question how much is it possible for one person to cry so much? Where does all this salty tasting water come from?
Should I call for help? Why can’t I just magically have someone here instead of asking?
Why cant I run away and enjoy life with no one to spoil my mood and keep busy in my own way. A retreat to a peaceful place to do yoga, meditate and bush walk to smell fresh air away from here. Away from people that make me nervous, confused, and wishing to have a life like theirs.
I know my bump in the road is very small compared to most they feel their road is divided and completely hanging in the balance. I am blessed to have support around me and understanding my temperament at this time in my life. I am grateful for that.
I wish someone had answers for me or an antidote for sadness and confusion.
So please if you know someone is having a hard time or struggling emotionally and mentally please dont Say you understand unless you completely do…or say its all going to be alright- because we wont believe you at the time…or say itll be over soon…or whats wrong? Because if we knew ourselves we would have dam well done it by now to fix things. Unfortunately some of us are stuck in a hole whilst others around us live freely in the sun. Be weary of the ones around you and just be ready to listen. Yes you may not hold the answers we want to hear most but certainly don’t try make sense of our world..its far to warped for a normal mind to comprehend.
With compliments in advance,
Girl behind the mask