Hear me- I cried wolf.

Help me, I feel stuck, and feel left behind. I look around me and everyone is too pleasant to disturb. I cant ask for help but I need it. I dont know how to help myself nor do others know. The fact of having someone care and know you need it helps in itself. You feel like someone, anybody. Where is my last life I lived? The one where I was happy and enjoyed everything in my day, even times where I am alone. Now I cant stand to be alone…yet I put myself here in the fear of ruining someone elses happiness. Wishing I had someone that could read me like you used to. A radar that goes off when I am in need without me having to try push the button. The guilt I hold inside as I send the siren off…little do you all know. I hear too many people say they dont know what to say to me. When I practically tell them the answer in my blab. Letting yourself get the best of you really is a game changer. You second guess everything you desire, love and want. Your future seems miles away and sometimes time feels like your worst enemy. You wish humans hibernate just to reach the day you will feel yourself again. Why cant I just enjoy life as it is now?

Sincerely
Girl who cried wolf

Where do I go from here?

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Have you ever reached a point in your life where you feel you’ve reached a crossroads?

Most older generations would say ‘no’ they always had a path that was chosen for them through family heritage, or just sexual orientated jobs from their generation chosen for them. I am not saying that this was fair or just to have their lives planned by their elders or society just at times I envy the lack of decision making they needed.

This day and age an increasing amount of young adults reach this difficult choice at the crossroads. I myself found it straight after graduating from College, with what seemed at the time, a degree which would help me bloom and prosper into a career. Didn’t I get that all wrong!..

I am not alone when I say I have not found it easy getting a job in my chosen field that I have worked hard for the last 3 years, devoting time to study and racking up my HECS debt to the Government. A lot of college graduands have found themselves on the same sinking ship. I have had to move home back into the family nest which is all in good spirit however the lack of jobs in my field here is minimal..i have only acquired casual work as a check out chick which is fine to be doing something but after a while you start to question your purpose. Did I really just waste 3 years of university┬áto work in a job I need no qualifications for, and yet still have a massive $60k debt over my head…

There seems to be three types of young adolescents in my eyes:

1. The early settlers

2. The free hippies

3. The grounded nerds

The early settlers are those who finish high school and find themselves in a good paying job or with a family at an early age. I am not trying to sound offensive but some people just don’t want to go anywhere and are happy to start the rest of their lives from day one. Well, I say good for you but not everyone knows that fresh out of high school and I was one of these.

The free hippies in my eyes are the ones who either; try go to college, don’t find it appealing, and end up packing and travelling the world in search of something or just to be free. Some are blessed with being able to just live and not calculate every step or worry about the future and a roof over their heads.

And last but not least are the grounded, not all are nerds. When I refer to the term nerd I refer to someone who chases knowledge to better themselves. I for one was classed a grounded nerd. Straight out of high school I wanted to make my family proud and go to university, and of course I enjoyed learning and wanted to create better opportunities for myself. I had little knowledge of university and the systems, level of degrees, types of careers or anything to do with them as I grew up in a family with no one that could tell me. I do not blame them I simply just wish I had someone at school to better guide me or prepare me before my HSC. Anyway after all was done and dusted I wounded up in a degree which has led me to now…no career.

I have now since realised my dream career would be in Occupational therapy which is both rewarding and high demand. However, it is a four year degree…another 4 years of no work and study? ill be 26 which by then I wish to have a home of my own and financially stable. This 4 year was not an option, I found a 2 year masters course which are very scarce and only found in major cities in Australia. This would mean moving away from home again which is a big financial burden on rural kids or anyone moving to go study. In the hope of also being accepted my degree is from a private college which is not fully accepted by public system…I have been assured any problems should be directed to the dean as my degree is viable and accredited. I should hope so as I will be paying it off the rest of my life and spent so long obtaining it.

For now I feel trapped most days in my job, loss of independence, and lack of knowledge I could be obtaining. Which brings me back to my point…do you ever feel you have lost direction? At what point in life was this?

For I know I don’t stand alone when I say graduating not only high school but university is a relief but also a nightmare for a lot of young souls. So please, next time you go and talk to someone of that circumstance please refrain from asking ‘ what are you going to do now?’ for we ask ourselves this question everyday and we still do not know. Although we are given so many opportunities and choices we are thankful to have but it is very difficult to choose.

sincerely,

lost graduate check out chick